so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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