My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
