I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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