You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
