My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i believe in u and ur pee
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
