why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
