So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
