you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
