shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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