he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
