need another drink. this is the easiest way
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
