So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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