i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
