This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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