Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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