my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
