Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
