The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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