I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
