So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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