I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
