Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
