when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
