I skipped work to stalk him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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