u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Buhtt sex?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
