Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
