I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
