I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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