I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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