So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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