Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
