clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A bitchslap is in order.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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