The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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