I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
