Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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