Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
