also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
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God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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