yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
