Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
