youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
