You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she was so not down for the gang bang
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
