I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
