There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
