ugly people sure do ruin things
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wish there were birth control emojis
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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