I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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