I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
