I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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