Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
