ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
