I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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