the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
