my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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