I'm really into asian looking animals
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
