Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
