I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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