one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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