Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
