I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
