Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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