a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Panties = found
Randomize
