Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I FOUND THE LEGS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
